Attachment styles are the personal blueprints of how we connect with people (friends, family, and others). These patterns are formed in early childhood based on the bonds with our primary caregivers.

The process of developing these patterns is inherent, biological and natural. Each of these patterns are evolved to keep us safe and to survive different situations and becomes our coping mechanisms as we grow.

Understanding these patterns helps us in knowing ourselves and the people in our vicinity better.

Once we understand our attachment style, we can work on ourselves to develop the secure attachment style and form healthier relationships.

Different Types of Attachment Styles

1. Secure Attachment

In the early childhood, the caregivers provide consistent support, protection and are emotionally available. This creates an environment of trust and safety for the child.

The child feels comfortable exploring their surrounding, knowing that they have a secure base to return to.

Common traits in adulthood:

• They find it easy to transition between alone time and time spent with others
• Do not rely on external validations to feel worthy
• Manages conflicts without unnecessary drama
• Able to offer emotional support to others while maintaining healthy boundaries
• Feel safe and secure around their loved ones

2. Ambivalent Attachment

This attachment style develops due to inconsistent and unpredictable caregiving. Sometimes the caregiver is attentive and loving, while at other times they may be emotionally unavailable.

As a result, the child becomes clingy, seeking attention and staying close to their caregiver, afraid of being left alone.

Common traits in adulthood:

• A strong desire for closeness with a constant fear of being abandoned
• Clingy behavior in their relationships
• Overthinking and anxiety over minor inconveniences
• A constant need for validation and reassurance
• Difficulty trusting that others won't leave them

3. Avoidant Attachment

This style develops when caregivers are consistently emotionally unavailable, and the child is left alone too much.

In response, the child learns to supress their emotional needs. They learn to rely on themselves and avoid emotional dependence on others.

Common traits in adulthood:

• They are detached, off in their world, avoiding closeness and intimacy
• Fear vulnerability and reject their emotional needs
• They may seem independent and self-sufficient, but often feel lonely and disconnected
• Struggle to express their feelings, reach out and ask for help

4. Disorganized Attachment

Disorganized attachment style are formed, when the child grows up in a chaotic or frightening environments.

Often, when a child is sick, stressed or frightened, they would naturally seek comfort and protection from their caregivers. But what do they do if the same caregiver is the source of fear or distress?

This leads to an internal confusion, as the caregiver is both a source of comfort and danger.

As a result, their coping strategies swing between avoidant and ambivalent behaviors. They may seek closeness but pull away quickly, not knowing if they can trust the caregiver to provide comfort.

Common traits in adulthood:

• Unpredictable behavior, sometimes close, sometimes distant
• A desire of connection but difficulty in trusting and depending on others
• Struggles with vulnerability and difficulty communicating their needs effectively

The Final Takeaway

Not everyone is fortunate enough to grow up in a family graced with secure attachment and they have no choice but to adapt to the limitations of their caregivers.

The fact that we adapted the best we could with the given circumstances is worthy of respect.

However, it's essential to understand that we can work on ourselves to cultivate secure attachment style and build healthier relationships with people.